The Front (above)  

Full Description coming soon…

Backside with tracklist - below (if you still do hard copies. [and I'm not sure why the back came out smaller])

(This page was a rush Job- Sorry)

The entire DEAD WRONG album Darkside of the Grave is out now.   As of July 25 it is on available for download on Amazon and with 20 songs at $8.99 we’re talking less than 45 cents per song!!  Grab it while it’s hot (or at least warm).  I should warn you that THIS ALBUM IS NOT FOR THE EASILY DISTURBED!! 

First post in a while, DAMN!!  What is up??  So, if you are a Facebook friend it is no secret that I am the voice of Dead Wrong.   I am still trying to play up the anonymity angle, so Mum’s the word on that shit!  However, in an attempt to get my shit to POP I have released a single from Dead Wrong’s upcoming album entitled DARKSIDE OF THE GRAVE. 

First let me explain the album:  DARKSIDE OF THE GRAVE is a blend of old-school gangsta rap and heavy metal, but unlike Limp Biskit it’s not gonna suck (at least not in our opinion).  Unlike most rap-rock, it’s not like our songs don’t know if they want to sound more like Rap or Rock…our stuff is different.   Our stuff is more like there are some songs that are straight Gangsta Rap, and there are some that are pure Heavy Metal.  For instance, our song Nowhere to Hide sounds like something Snoop Dog wrote, but then you take a song like You Can’t Save Me which is so heavy it could fit nicely on a Pantera album!  Each one of our songs has a completely different feel.  Oddly enough, the album as a whole flows together magnificently (again, just our opinion).  There are elements of Hip-Hop, Trip-Hop, Funk, Industrial, Old School, New Wave, Heavy Metal, you name it- just don’t name country!  And that is just our music.  The lyrics are so dark you’ll think our souls are made of 86% cacao.   There was a snippet of a Dead Wrong song on Episode 6.  It was from I’m Insane, and that cut is on the album for sure(track 8 if I’m not mistaken).  Another interesting selling point of the album is that there’s a lot of Pink Floyd-esque stuff happening between songs.  In fact, DARKSIDE OF THE GRAVE is like the Dark Side of the Moon for this generation’s non-pacifist!  (also  goes by the alias of Songs From The Other Side) It will be out no later than this July…for REAL!

Now allow me to explain our single:  GET YO SWERVE ON  is a catchy little jingle that comes in with a squeak and goes out with a roar!!  You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you just might piss yourself (from laughing).  The hook is catchy as hell, with a 1990’s Tone Loc feel.   You never would have thought that a song about manhandling some poor hooker could be so much fun!  Well, maybe.  Anyway, we started this album back in 2008 (the same year that this site began, actually) and gradually the music has overtaken the production of the show.  My apologies for that, everyone.  I have not forgotten about the show, BELIEVE ME!!!  The Get Bent Documentary is still “in production,” but there are a few internal things that need to be sorted out before I can dust the cobwebs off of my video camera.  In the meantime don’t hesitate to download the song. (it will help to finance the production of the documentary).

Thanks,

WOZ

The entire album is out now.   As of July 25 it is on available for download on Amazon but with 20 songs at $8.99 we’re talking less than 45 cents per song!!  Grab it while it’s hot (or at least warm)!!  

What up??  Get Bent has made another change, only this time it is bigger than a piddily gas station!  A little company that goes by the name McDonalds has been impacted by the Get Bent Crew!!!  You may recall our visit to McDonalds, aka the “McCheef” incident.  Well, it appears as though McDonalds rephrased their idiotic way of justifying their output!  Now they say  “All ‘burgers’ are 100% beef” (not all “sandwiches”)   Our mothers will be so proud of us for making this happen!  We will happily accept all pats on the back as well as any monetary donations for this monumental achievement!!  But, also related to fast food, here’s the question on a lot of people’s minds:  What is Get Bent going to do about Jack in the Box going through drive thru’s to try to get breakfast all day?  The answer:  Say our prayers and hope that they can get the breakfast!!  We are behind them 100% because if they succeed where we failed that will mean breakfast for all!!  It will be the chain reaction that fast food eaters have waited for their whole lives!  Not only will BK serve their over-priced breakfast all day, but sooner or later McDonalds will have to start serving breakfast all day!!   How great will life be when we can get a McMuffin at noon??  We are gonna get so fat as a nation!! 

It would be petty if Get Bent acted like bitches and accused Jack in the Box of taking our idea and making a commercial out of it. (eventhough we did the whole “go to BK wearing a mask” thing back when McCain & Obama were still neck and neck- and, of course we didn’t get the presidential treatment that we deserved that day)     We even plugged them in episode 7.5  The REAL question is why the F’ is Jack in the Box airing commercials in the Chicagoland area when it is impossible to get it here?!!  Its like watching somebody chug an ice cold Gatorade while you’ve got a mouthful of sand!  Does Jack like to tap dance in front of people in wheel chairs?  I wouldn’t be surprised.  I’d love to eat an ULTIMATE CHEESEBURGER whenever I want it, but I’m not driving over 250 miles to scratch that itch!  I’ll just have to settle for a lesser burger.  THAT is the reason their commercials piss me off.    Put up a franchise or SOMETHING!!!    Jack in the Box’s food is too good to keep out of the more densely populated part of Illinois- What the hell are they doing??  On a side note:  I’m glad that somebody put a Get Bent bumper sticker on a Jack in the Box pole in Nashville last year (I’m an eye witness to the whole thing).   

PS the title does not mean that we got jacked- it means we’re telling everyone to get jacked! (the Jack in the Box way) 

Hello All                                   (click here) 

I am pleased to announce that I am now married and stuff.  Odd turn of events this past year has undergone.  Not sure why I said that like Yoda, but screw it; I did.  Anyway, what I am REALLY pleased to announce is that I am getting off my lazy can and staying active with this site!!  Being #1 at rule bending according to certain search engines, we feel compelled to keep our reputation going by adding a little twist for the new year.  I have made mention in the past about technical difficulties pertaining to putting up new episodes due to running out of the allotted “pages” on our site. Well, I will stay active by putting up a page of weekly loopholes!  “But John…” you ask “I thought you said you ‘can’t add anymore pages!’ ”  Well, let me get to that, Asshole!! I will be deleting the NEWS page and putting up WEEKLY LOOPHOLES.  This will allow the crew at Get Bent to flex our loophole-finding, rule-bending muscle without having to occupy so much cyber-space.  Much like DEEP THOUGHTS and NUCK CHORRIS FACTS, I won’t need to add a new page for every entry.  Not only that, I’ll be able to focus on doing the Get Bent Documentary without having to screw around with shooting and editing episodes!!  Plus you won’t need to spend the 10-minute episode length every time you just want to catch a few quick loopholes.  I am doing this for the loophole junkies in the world.   Just go to the weekly loophole page every week and it’ll only take 10 seconds, literally.  Unless you suck at reading (in which case you suck at life.  And if you CAN’T read then kiss my ass you illiterate Jag off!!!)  Sorry for the hostility.  If you ARE illiterate, what were you doing reading this?  Go listen to a freestyle track courtesy of Simon Juarez.  I should also mention that this page is going to be FUNNY!!!   That’s the plan, at least. I will have 7 days to polish and hone, if you will, every loophole so that it is in a perfectly deliverable form by the time I go to put it on the page.  52 solid, hilarious, and practical loopholes in 2010; can we do it??  You bet your sweet ass we can.  Will we?  I hope so.  We’re sure as shit gonna make it a goal.  Merry Christmas Everyone!!  For those of you who are not Christian; Merry Christmas anyway!!  There’s no reason your Christmas should be any less special. 

Stay Tuned 

WOZ

Holy Shit!!!  The sky is falling…or it will be in slightly more than 3 years!!   There is a ridiculous amount of hoopla surrounding the demise of Mother Earth on December 21, 2012.  The hype is only gonna keep growing while the media continues to feed off of this frenzy until that fateful day when something either happens or does not.   So many questions to ask:  Will just our planet perish?  Or will time itself come to an end as our universe instantaneously collapses?  Will something GOOD happen instead?  Or as certain Christians ask:  will God vaporize all of the righteous people in an effort to bring them all to Heaven while damning all of us normal people to an eternity of unimaginable pain and incomprehensible torture for all of the sins that we have committed. 

Ever kill a mosquito and then forget to pray for your forgiveness?  Guess what, Asshole- You’re going to HELL in 2012!!

Of course, the vaporizing of the sinfree, or low-sin as it may be (a process commonly referred to as * the “Rapture”)  is among the lesser plausible of outcomes for December 21st 2012.  I think there is a far greater chance that NOTHING will happen that day.  However, that is not my prediction.  I want to go on record on this October 21st 2009 with my prediction…   

So to preface:  back in ancient times, the Mayans came up with this tricked- out calendar that is basically a cycle of epic proportions!!   I won’t get into explaining the numbers and the years that compose this cycle (mostly because I can’t).  All I know is that they invented this wildly intricate calendar that has accurately predicted every solar eclipse for over 2.000 years (so we’re told) and then they disappear!>?!  Let me repeat:  They drop this epically confusing calendar on all of Mankind’s doorstep, and then they up and vanish?  Where did they all go?  And where are the aliens you ask?  Oh, you didn’t ask.  Let me explain;  THAT is where the Mayans went, up with the aliens.   The Mayans very well could have been abducted by aliens.  I am not insane!!  (Or should I say that I am insane, because by admitting that I am insane I am instantly rendered perfectly NOT insane because crazies do not believe that they are crazy) John Wozniak’s prediction for December 21, 2012 is that the Aliens will bring the Mayans back to Earth for a jacked-up reunion.   Sounds weird, right?    Well, I’m not claiming to be Nostradamus. 

(this may or may not be what I really think)

WOZ

*certain Christian denominations have even gone on record that the Rapture will be on May 21^st 2011 and then the world will end the following October 21^st.  (They’re one upping the Mayans by more than a year!!)

check our WEEKLY LOOPHOLES

Hey, World!!  I got some news.  Get Bent has completely run out of ideas!!  No more rules to bend, loopholes to exploit, signage to make fun of, etc.  I’m Joking, of course.  Anyone with half a brain knows that this country has a bottomless supply of stupidity for us to feed on-  scratch that; my local shopping mall alone has enough material to carry this show till we’re all pissing out of bags.  As I mentioned, I am putting together a Get Bent documentary.  Originally I was aiming for an August 18th deadline (2009) for the 2010 Sundance Film Festival.  Well, on my journey towards that deadline, my beautiful Project Manager/Fiancee’ (girlfriend at the time) and I went on a weekend getaway to shut ourselves in and hammer out some progress on this film- we got a ton of it done, but we got engaged that weekend as well.  Since then I have been juggling wedding planning (only a small portion of it), my day job (8 hours of mind numbing BS in a cubicle prison), and my mixed martial arts training (I will be testing for a level 1 or 2 in Muay Thai pretty soon).   I’m gonna be moving soon too, fuck!!!   I even stopped working on my music ever since starting this documentary in June.  With so much shit on my plate, I have loosened up the Get Bent docu-deadline by a whole year.  I easily have a majority of it done, but I did not want to sacrifice quality just to make a deadline.  I wanna win this thing!  I would’ve had to quit my day job and work on Get Bent all day for the last month to put the finishing touches on it.  Alas now I can breathe again.   I have a whole year to perfect this baby!!  On a side note; there has been some internal conflict w/ the show and I’m not sure what’s happening there.  That PLUS the site has hit a wall with the number of video pages that we can have on it.  All of this has made it impossible to post new episodes of Get Bent as well as more Get Bent outtakes.  I hope you like my music because I plan to be working on it a lot when I get my studio set up in November.   I apologize to all my religious Get Bent fans (all 12 of you- LOL) for my inability to deliver episode 8 and beyond at this time.   I am always exploring different avenus of rule bending, but for now I have to focus on the documentary and my music as my creative output(s).  I will try to stay pretty current on writing blogs to go here as well as adding Nuck Chorris facts and Deep Thoughts.

Stay Tuned

WOZ

First off:  Michael Jackson is dead!!  Holy Shit!!  The King of POP is now the King of DROP!  (Get it heart attack- drop dead of a heart attack)  “Booo”  Whatever-  it was a funny joke.  He was a millionaire who lived to be 50.  How many of us can claim that for ourselves?  Anyway, Let’s look at the bright side; he already got the first 20 years of decomposing out of the way. It’s true- back in the late 80’s Michael said “Screw waiting till I die to start decomposing.”  That was when he started injecting embalming fluid for his self preservation process… Is this thing on?  Seriously though, let’s take a moment of silence for the Lost soul who put out the album Thriller. {SILENCE}   I am not always distasteful like this when somebody dies, but Michael Jackson was a walking punch-line when he WAS walking- death is no escape from that.  Not in his case.  But I digress…

THIS IS WHAT I AM WRITING ABOUT:

Get Bent is going for SUNDANCE!!!!  You heard it!  I have put a halt on posting episodes, and I am currently compiling stuff for The Sundance Film Festival.  Katie, my girlfriend / Project Manager was instrumental in this decision.  One could even say that Sundance was her idea altogether.  So far I have a loose story line (keeping it under wraps for now), bits and pieces of the narration written, and a quazi- outline.  We even had the Manager of WEEN give us his/their blessing on using a song of theirs!!     We are going for  balls-out humor, but are also focusing a lot on intelligence and societal issues.  One in particular!  I am going to jam this thing so full of loopholes and contradictions that your head will spin!!  But not literally.   As Google’s number 1 Rule Bending Master, my goal is to make you laugh till you shit blood, or at least urinate.  Did that sound irrelevant?  I think it did.  Anyway, needless to say I will have my work cut out for the next few months.  I am guaranteeing AWESOME with this project!  What sucks so far though, is that my computer has been importing footage at a shitty amount of dropped-frames when last I tried.  I don’t think you need to be a post-production geek to understand that dropping 468 frames in a 17- second period is not a good thing!  (another reason why episode 8 isn’t up yet) I hope that problem gets resolved or Sundance may not happen.  All Good things!!  No negativity - Think Positive!!   This is gonna put Get Bent in a good place.   Since I, John Wozniak, am the solo writer/editor of this site there may not be an overwhelming amount of new stuff happening here.  I may post a few deep thoughts (and I’m always adding to the Nuck Chorris page), but between my music, MMA training (don’t laugh) and NOW this super huge number 1 priority project that has shoved everything else in my life including my job to the wayside, it will leave little time and energy for posting everything on my mind- which I never really did anyway.  How’s that for a run-on sentence?  Alright.  I love you all!!  Keep spreading the word!!

WOZ

(If you are looking at this show for any purpose other than just entertainment ($$$) please READ )

this is only a temporary residence for EPISODE 7.5

(And due to a technical fuck up you will need to click the link and get hyperwarped to youtube to see 7.5…SORRY)

 Get Bent would first like to point out that for some reason we took it upon ourselves to swear enough to offend a truck driver in this episode.  Sorry, Mom.  Happy Mother’s Day?  As if my mom is ever gonna see this page!!  Anyway, this one was shot a few weeks ago (April 26th to be exact), and it was so jammed with information that I had to sit on it for a while to even know which direction to go w/ the editing process.  That AND I was in another state for over a week so rushing this would have lead to garbage.  The footage for this video was packed dense with hilarity.  I hope I utilized it wisely.  It kind of came out making us look like total pricks- LOL.  It’s hard to not look like an ass hole when you’re trying to have it your way at Burger King!  I gotta still laugh at how you just CANNOT have it your way!  At all. I digress.  As you can see this episode is all over the place; we were in a car, ordering inside, having conversations with employees as well as cheeseburgers and we even successfully got them to squirt out a spongebob!!!  Not to mention there was another BK we shot stuff at that I didn’t even use cuz it would have spilled over the 10 minute mark!  That one sucked anyway.  It will be in round 2 of the outtakes.  My point is that…I don’t think I have a point.  Just watch.   PS the people at this location were nice, but I still DID NOT HAVE IT MY WAY!!!   

  

  

So you’ve seen the other installments of having it your way GET BENT style, (for those who have not- I’m referring to Episode 4.5 and Episode 5.Phive)   either way, get ready for the unleashing of Get Bent episode 7.5!!  Don’t worry, we didn’t forget about 7.Sixx (the Burger King rock-video).  Something came up and we had to change that video to Episode 8.Sixx.    I know I need to deliver on the rock video, since I’ve mentioned it more than a few times and keep pushing it back, but in the mean time this next one will be the guaranteed money shot!!    That is a promise.  A friend from work took a business trip to London, and took a picture of a hilarious sign in a Burger King.  I’m talking it’s the perfect sign for what we’re trying to do with BK.   It is almost like Burger King is taunting Get Bent with the sign that they have in this London location.   I won’t give it away because I like to incorporate the element of surprise in our videos.  We’re gonna fuck them so hard they’ll be pissing mustard by the time we’re done shooting this one!   Which leads me to the other part of this blog;

The EXCUSES

We have not shot it yet!!   We’ve only got a few chunks from the rock video shot.  We have nothing from episode 7.5 or 8 in the can yet.  Right now they are just 2 killer episodes in the planning stage.  I am the editor of the show.  Even when Kyle was the editor he only got around to working on stuff when I was supervising (his choice-  not mine).   So everything has always cut into my personal time, which sucked.  Speaking of personal time, Simon is a father of three with a wife that works full-time and is attending college.  Needless to say his life is a juggling act so getting together to shoot stuff is a thing where plans can get cancelled at the drop of a dime.  Also, we’ve both decided to get into Mixed Martial Arts training.  I have been getting the Holy Hell kicked out of me for a couple weeks now,  and I’m loving/hating every second of it.  Simon will be joining in at some point.  He’s got some street experience with some Military hand-to-hand training.  I suppose I also have some street experience with some wrestling experience from Jr High and part of HS.  Anyway, I’m gonna get my ass kicked for a few weeks (or months) before Simon starts up to get his.  Should be fun!!  I also spend time producing music for the 2 groups that I am in- And I work in a cubicle prison 40 hours a week.  Sometimes I just want to lay down…you know?  Watch a little TV.  But, seriously, the point of this whole whine session is to let you, the viewer, know that Get Bent will always be here for you.  New episodes (at zero cost) will sporadically pop up whenever we get time to shoot/edit.  That is to say we will be finding more dumb signs, funny loopholes and idiotic rules to exploit.  Right now we are focusing on marketing rather than production so this bitch can get picked up!  Once it does you’ll be seeing way more of us.  But until then, our free GET BENT labor is just one of the many things we have on our plate.  Keep spreading the word and posting this site on other sites and let’s make this thing POP once and for all.  But I’ll close by saying that the perfection that we will drop in the future (episodes 7.5 and 8 ) are going to be worth the wait…

Stay Tuned

WOZ  

Get Bent?  The answer is probably not.  I’m not sure where I thought I was going with that one, or why I phrased “Get Bent” in the form of a question, but I do realize that I have not put up a video lately.  And with the exception of my last deep thought I have not added anything to this site in quite some time!!  We are working on marketing Get Bent.  It is a shitty process that takes the ability to sell (which I suck at).   Luckily Simon knows a marketing guy who is said to be developing a plan to make this shit POP!!  Hopefully they deliver!  Also, in musical news (if any Get Bent fans care) The not-so-anonymous Dead Wrong is a few songs underway on their debut album BETTER THAN SILENCE.  Sounding pretty good if do say so myself.  Check it www.myspace.com/deadwrong09  The much anticipated (not really) DEF SHEPPARD project  ”Stairway to Hell” is also in the works.  Def Sheppard is John and Simon of Get Bent.  We don’t have a myspace page yet.  We just got the ball rolling on that and we have no clear vision on what the album as a whole will sound like, but what little we do have so far sounds wicked-  so trust me that our album will be interesting … (I’ll probably throw a song snippet at the end of episode 8  ) 

EPISODE 8 has not been  shot yet.  It will be our funniest/craziest one yet.  That is a promise.  We will get that started in a few weeks.  Let us focus on marketing for now so that we can get paid to Get Bent!!   Then we can get back to bending rules and finding loopholes and retards.  I’ll keep you posted.